Saturday, October 16, 2004
and so i left.............(without a trace?)
i did expect this day to come, but i didnt expect to feel this way.
and wow, suddenly im out of RI. just like dat. give u some booklet and take a picture, and shoo, off u go out of the school, off u go out of the secondary school system altogether.
and though they said that "once a rafflesian, always a rafflesian", but the truth is that, once u stepped out of school, u will no longer be a student of raffles institution isnt it? even though u may would/may still possess the rafflesian spirit, or perhaps come back as a distinguished guest-of-honour or watsoever, u will be back as a visitor, and not part of the school anymore.
"even though you probe and pry
with analytic eye
...
you will never find the centre
where we dance, where we play
...
that mocks the faded blue
of your remoter heaven"- children's song
u watch them having lessons. u watch people playing soccer on astroturf. u watch puny wimpy losers get bullied in the red *r*ss. and so u watch. u observed them, and may perhaps find some amusement in there. but u r not involved. u r simply a spectator, like a ghost overseeing these young rafflesians, who like the adults in the poem above, trying to get back ur childhod memories by observing and "looking with amused look", but its too late. time had slipped away from your palm and there is no way u can be your old self. cos u have changed.
metamorphosis occurs in us. when we're a kid we wish to grow into a teenager. and when we r in RI we felt so confined that we cant wait to get out of RI. and now finally we are out of ri, like butterflies out from the cocoon. and suddenly we wre forced to face with realtiy and one step closer into the adult world. and suddenly u think that being confined is not a bad thing after all, at least u'll be protected inside there. but u cant get back into the cocoon, u have to flap your wings and find food or face the consequences.
sometimes time really flies, and seem to accelerate as well. (haha wenjie is soooooooooooooooooooooooooo cute in sec2! )and so r most of us. all of us r soooo puny! i guess that if we didnt look at these pictures and photos we will never realise how much we had grown over the years; some matured, and some becoming from bad to worse, but its undenyable that whether we like it or not, we are movning even closer towards adult life.
at first before the graduation i didnt really cared much abt it, cos i have the mentality of "why should i be sad if almost everyone is going to the same jc anyway?". but i was wrong. when we depart we will be scattered, again, like what happened in sec2, and now after much thinking i cant help but think that there is such a high possibility that i will lose all my friendship forged in sec 3 and 4 and would forge new friendships with new people in the new environment which will ultimately be destroyed again after graduation from college. THIS IS SO FRUSTRATIING, its just like jenga(im not sure if its called by this name; anyway its that game by UNO where there is alot of rectangular blocks where u piled them up and remove them one by one) where you are dismayed that the structure u have meticulously build up topple with such an ease, and the toppling of the block over and over again just make u so disheartened. im just so scared it would happen. the only consolation is that there are far less assholes in this class compared to my sec 2 class so the likelihood of retaining friends are much higher.
i regret of not securing more permanant friendship during these four years, in fact i dun even knoe how many people treat me as their real close friends or just treat me as some disposable funny object. its not why, but it i dunno how to in the first place. i guess its either i have too large a comfort zone or im not really proficient in socialising. i guess its both.
on a hapier note i didnt knoe that so many teachers rmbs me. most recognise me as a person with "talents" and 1 even went to say that i've "been a plaesure teaching" even though im not even her favourite student and been screamed by her a couple of times too ;). maybe she wants me to leave with fond memories of RI. and I want to thank you for that, and i must say its a real morale booster for me.
btw thanx to joel aw for dragging me to ask mrs n* to sign my book. beofre that i always something against her cos of all that had happend in sec1. and when i saw er its like "oh shz8t its her again. she will definitely suan me" but she is surpringly nice and suddenly all that wraths and angst i had against her was diminished immediately. and i really thank her for erasing all my previous unpleasant memories.
thanks to all the people who had given me morale support, friended me and cheering and brightening up my dull life in ri, especially the class of 4C, its such a literature-rally funny and totally un-9sub class and its been really nice being with you all. i will carry these memories with my life. im staring to miss you all now :(
like what edward ng had said we should leave ri with only the pleasant memories. i guess i would, too. but i should still rmb those bad incidents for the sake of humour in the future ;)
Friday, October 15, 2004
yeah luv my new blog skin!
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
Sunday, October 10, 2004
mm got this link from kennie! (go to his blog for da link)
i looked at the blog. true, it shows no substance, and true it is indeed bimboistic. at first it looked like any other ordinary gal's blog. BUT then i looked at the age. What the F&%# THIRTEEN YEARS OLD?! SHE IS ONLY ONLY BLOODY THIRTEEN YEARS OLD?! okay going to b 14, but look at her! she looked like she was 17! so mature! and ya to an extend, very pretty! (for her age)
how can time change a person so fast? when she was in REM she was still chubby, but now, WOW! her face has just... slimmed down like dat! dat is like a difference of 8 months!
i can still rmb how ugly i was in sec1 and man, i was FATASS. and god she was only 13 and she already looked like an adult. and im 17 and i still looked like a kid with humongous amount of baby fat on my face.
so its understandable dat she wrote like dat. i mean, u all r just as childish and immature when u r in sec 1 & 2. so its no surprise! but i hope dat like any ordinary ppl, she too will mature metally. cos some ppl r still bimbos at the age of 20+...
eurasians r blessed with the built and the look. hmmm maybe its ecause they are heterozygous. i shld marry a european wife so that my children would be heterozygous eurasian as well. =)
btw, so when can my face slim down?
damn which means i hav to start mugging...
Saturday, October 09, 2004
"give me the excess of it, that, surfeiting,
the appetite may sicken and so die"
this is wat is happening rite now. during prelims is was the excess sch work to mug, and now it is the excess videos and games. everything in excess is undesirable and frankly it gets abit sickening without doing anything constructive and just simply play all day long. but at the smae time the thought of mugging again irks me.
so i seek refuge in reading other ppl's blog and looking at funny pics from the internet, and i was dismayed by te fat that other ppl's life are so much more colourful and vibrant than my current dull life.
those silly things that they did, though retarded, will beome part of their memories as a class. and so im actually quite sad tat we didnt create memories as a class and i didnt also make enough memories with my friends or make more lasting friendships during my stay in RI. everything's just so superficial...well maybe that such is the nature of man- they have a difficulty of opening themelves to other ppl (pls refer to common test 2002 passage ;) )
but it would be cool to hav classmates like that, seriously. =)
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oooooo maroon5 acoustic version is sooooooo nice!! have the urge to buy their album. jet and keane too....theres so many nice bands suddenly!!!
Wednesday, October 06, 2004
u start doing lame stuffs like this
image is resized and shrunk. for ppl who wants original size photo, feel free to contact me.
Sunday, October 03, 2004
so ppl hav asked me what is rearmament! rearmament is, my special way of studying as many things as possible in the shortest possible period of time so that i could catch up with other more acadeically inclined ppl.
firstly get urself into studying mode, increase ur andrenaline production. though it sounds pretty difficult, but trust me it becomes pretty natural once everyone aroud u is studying...
secondly, if u have time, u can do topical rvision or for soem ppl, do prelims paper from other schools.. since i DUN have time, i proceed to plan B, which is basically just mug all ur sch notes and assignments and if necessary, ur textbook. some ppl may scoff u and give u that u-wont-do-well-if-u-dont-practice look(i have been given that kind of look esp by a science teacher =) ), but if u hav faithfully done ur assignments and wroksheet and did study for ur tests throughout the yr, then there is a high possibility that u can still survive for ur exam!
thirdly, ur foundation. u cant build a skyscraper on top a plot of quicksand. hence a strong foundation is very impt to ur success for ur exam. make sure that u understand the logic and theory of a particualr topic before u move on, e.g. knowing how to differentiate correctly is much more effective than doing past-yr qns like mad and relised that all ur ans r wrong.
and do alot of topical revisions as well, and get ur facts right, mug them till u can stuff them all in ur head and regurgitate them with ease and flair. in my opinions exam papers r useless if u cant even get ur foundations right. hence i seldom do exam papers unless im confident i can get everything right.
also dun study blindly. study smartly. pick out all the impt things to study instead of focusing on enrichment stuff like how-to-make-aspirin-from-watsoever,
they are not coming out for the exam, just study what is impt and is coming out for the exams
lastly u must have confidence! this is the period of time where ur confidence is susceptible to attacks, corrosions, leading to total collapse of trust in urself. but do not despair; instead push urself and constantly remind urself the rewards and the redeemed freedom once this bloody prelims is over. ignore those ppl whom perpetually bragged about their studying progress; they are not u.
thus in conclusion rearmament is baically exam-smart strategy, abit of insane mugging, and confidence building in the sghortest period of time posible. to an extent i works for me, but there is also limitations to it. for example studying one week before major exams of 9 subjects is definitely hopeless. hence it is always good to study early! make an exam schedule too, e.g study bio on mon and tuesday, physics on wed and thu, etc. this is my exam strategy, wats urs? ;)
even though i knew that it MUST come to a stop, but i refused to go back to my path of rearmament.
here i am still in my revelry mode, doing nothing much everyday,except for eat, sleep, playing com and surfing the net watching movies on TV and ya...u can see how slack i am now. even my flair for my engish has been diminished, evidently in this few entries.
for some reason i refuse to do anything. i refuse to do my homework, i refuse to get back on my study track, and refuse to do the yearbok pic despite the fact that the deadline is in fact, tomorrow (gasp!). everyday i just lie down on the crouch (not crotch), and stare at that tiny illuminated box for centuries.
thereotically i should be mugging for my "o"s now. but i dunno. i just feel so......tired. too tired to do anything. too tired to look at that pile of notes and books in my room.
i think i must be practising escapism now, running away from all my responsibilities and burden, while indulging in my success in my prelims. but alas prelims IS NOT o level. so why am i still in this dispirited mode?
perhaps it beacuase i have contributed all my energy and effort towards this blody prelims, and leaves me a exhausted and lethargic soul. perhaps its the fact that i duu want to repeat wat i dids for prelims- study as late as 2.30 am- i may be simply too exhausted.
now i can finally feel how the KMT soldiers r feeling when they had to fight the commies when they finally get rid of the jappies.
but if i dun get up on my feet now i would be punished for my insolence in o lvl. but at the smae time i am sooooooo tired...what should i do?
perhaps i will finish the yr book pic. the word is PERHAPS.
Friday, October 01, 2004
its all revelry and midautumn madness these few days. play PS2(and got gangbanged) at guanghao's house which we then played dodgeball, which i got thrashed and pwned too.
well its impossible to excel in all calibres isnt it? except maybe for gL who is damn smart, can play violin and all sorts of musical instruments, good in sports, and also damn good in computer games and PS2. gee it must be alleles.
then today we wnet orchard to hav a gr8 buffet fiesta~! i think i gulped down 5kg of food today, like crab, lamb steak, dory steak, mussels, scallops, chicken, towgay, shark's fin soup and heavenly-marinated japanese seaweed. mmmm delicious!
finally my munm allowed me to buy comics today. bought 4 comics, namely tsubasa and death note. mmmm nice too!
feel very sad with wat is happening in taiwan rite now....feel so ashamed of their actions...i dun think it is very nice to call Singapore "LP". so u may ask wat is LP? well make a guess =) ! it is a part of the male anatomy btw ;)
worse still it comes from the mouth of the foreign minister of taiwan, a man who is supposed to improve internal and bilateral relationships isnt it? i seriously dunno where the hell did they get this rotten-mouth @$$hole..
its very sad to see that
